The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys
by Risa9559
Summary: Tadakuni, Hidenori and Yoshitake will not make a sudden appearance in here (or will they?) though the Class of 3Z will still present the same kind of chaos that you are used to seeing in Sanada North High School. Instead, may I present the new three dumb trios; Sadist, Mayo and Gorilla ... eh, or was it Gori-chan? Pony-chan? Which Gorilla was it again?
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: **Based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Disclaimer: **They belong to their respective authors and you know who they are. It's not me for sure... :'(

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 1**

* * *

_Huff Huff Huff. I'm late. That's not good. I remembered that Ginpachi-sensei said to come early because we have history quiz this morning. Luckily I brought my muesli bar and my bottle of mayo to eat on the way. _

_Huff Puff Puff. So far away. This hill is really steep. Ah, I can see a clearing. The school is getting near. All right, I can do this... go me!_

…

_Ummm..._

_Why is this crow landing beside me and is hopping on its feet to block my path? Ah well, I'll just step around it to the left._

…

_Eh!? He's not letting me go! Why the hell did it block my way again?! On top of that, did it just step towards me?! Is it threatening me?! Mother, father, I'm sorry that your son will be murdered by a raven beast. Ginpachi-sensei, please don't give me a zero for my history quiz mark…_

_Ah, never mind that. Lets step to the right. I have no time for my imaginary rant._

…

_Eh! Eh!? Again?! What do you want damn crow?! Stop blocking my way!_

CAW CAW

…

_Hmmm…. _

_Lets move this muesli bar to the left, … to the right, … high up high up! Aha! So you want my breakfast you damn raven! All right, lets do this. You can have half of this muesli bar that I'll throw to my left while I dash to school through the right pathway. Deal?_

…

_Yosh. Bye crow! So long! I'm glad that you have a healthy breakfast this morning! Enjoy the muesli bar while you can!_

…

_Eh!? Eh!? Why is it chasing me angrily? Why is it displaying its' sharp talons!? I already gave you half of my muesli bar! I even topped it with mayo!? Gyaaa, It's getting close! HELP, GINPACHI-SENSEI!_

* * *

**A/N: This will be updated irregularly due to Uni (sorry) but otherwise, I hope you guys enjoyed it and can wait in anticipation for the updates :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning: **Based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Disclaimer: **They're never ever ever gonna be mine :'(

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

_HELP, GINPACHI-SENSEI!..._

* * *

…

_Tosshi!? Is that you, Tosshi!? I can hear a voice that sounds like Tosshi in my head. I think we have established a telepathic connection! Where are you? The history quiz is about to start! *rustle rustle*_

…_Sensei? Is that you?_

_Yes. Of course, it's me. *peel peel*_

_That's weird… Sensei usually would only call me Oogushi-kun. This is not Ginpachi-sensei, is it?_

_No, I'm not Ginpachi-sensei but I am your sensei on love matters. I'm the one who you would always go to when you needed advice on how to win a lady's heart. I'm the one who always encouraged you from behind when you were embarrassed to ask a girl for her phone numbers. I'm the one who helped you with secretly giving away your confession letter. I… am Gori-13; the saviour of all cherry boys in love! *munch munch munch*_

_You're not a sensei at all! You're just a gorilla! If anything, you're a sensei on gorilla mating! Anyway, I'm not a cherry boy and none of the situations above ever happened. Now I don't need a love advice! Help me get rid of a crow that's chasing me Kondo-san!_

_Tsk tsk tsk, Tosshi… everything in this world is related to love. The world is overflowing with love, especially with the love that I have for Otae-san. Do not underestimate the power of love, Tosshi. I'm sure that with a little bit of love, that lady crow will love you in return. Remember, __**love and peace**__. *chew chew chew*_

_Prince Baka!? Is Prince Baka a gorilla!? What the hell is 'love and peace'!? I don't want to date the crow Kondo-san! I want to get rid of it! Forget about love, it's threatening to kill me even though I didn't do anything wrong! I even gave it my breakfast but all I got in return was scratches by its' talons!_

…_Tosshi. What did you give the crow? *munch munch*_

_Eh? Why do you ask? I only gave it half of my muesli bar._

…_And? *chew chew*_

_That's it. … Oh, and I topped it off with mayo._

_TOSSHI! How many times do I have to tell you? Not everyone worships mayonnaise! You have to curb your thinking that everyone in the world loves mayo! Otherwise, you'll die a very painful death Tosshi. *grind grind grind*_

_Kondo-san, I think the history quiz is messing with your head. Of course everyone loves mayo. Even Barbarosa Shogun acknowledged it as the almighty versatile condiment. It became the Emperor's official food in the Taisho era. You know what that means Kondo-san, the Son of God acknowledged mayo as a holy food!_

_TOSSSSHIII! Did you even study for the history quiz!? There's no such shogun you know! I'm sure the crow is angry because you defiled its' breakfast! Don't deceive yourself any further and admit it that you wronged the lady crow. Hurry and save yourself by hiding in the classroom. How far are you from school, Tosshi? *bite munch bite*_

_I'm running across the field so I'm almost at the building's entrance. What is in the history quiz Kondo-san? Because I have a late start, might as well tell me the questions now._

…_I don't know Tosshi. *chuck*_

_Eh?_

_I'm busy eating bananas and trying to get the peels into the bin near the building's entrance. *plop*_

_You're trying to chuck your trash three floors down!? Concentrate on the quiz in front of you gorilla! Why are you eating bananas in class during a quiz anyway, damn gori- *thud*_

…_Tosshi? Tosshi! Answer me! Did the crow get you? *peel munch munch*_

…

…

…

_No Kondo-san. Your banana peels got me._

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. But welllllllll, though I said that, you have to wait for a long time again coz I don't know when I'll update again hahaha…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Disclaimer: **I wish I'm a gorilla who wrote about three boys wearing Tadakuni's sister's uniform…

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 3**

* * *

_No Kondo-san. Your banana peels got me._

* * *

_*brush brush*_

_Well, I have no time to whine about my bad luck this morning. I better get a move on._

_**BEEP **_

…_?_

_**BEEP BEEP **__**BEEP**_

_Kondo-san, did you forget to turn off your phone? I can hear something beeping._

_Eh? I thought it was you, Tosshi. *chew chew chew*_

_**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP **__**BEEP **__**BEEP**_!

_!?_

_Eh!? EHHHHH!? The beeping got hell faster! Where is it coming from?!_

_**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP**_

_THE BANANA PEEL!?_

_*threw it towards the field* __**KABOOOOOOM!**_

_WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? A BANANA PEEL DYNAMITE!? DID YOU JUST ATE A BANANA BOMB GORILLA!? I KNOW BANANA CONTAINS POTASSIUM THAT MAKES IT RADIOACTIVE BUT DON'T GO AROUND EXPLODING RADIATION AND GIVING EVERYONE CANCER AT SCHOOL!_

_You can't talk Tosshi! I know you secretly smoke behind the gym! You're the one who's going to get cancer! And anyway, it wasn't me! The banana was of good quality. I can tell. *munch munch*_

_...That's right Hijikata-san… the banana tasted good.*nom nom nom* The gorilla has good taste buds. _

… _This voice… Sougo, is that you? *peel munch munch munch*_

_How the hell can you establish a telepathic connection as well!? Actually, get out! Get out of my head! I don't want to hear a munching Sadist's thought. A munching gorilla is already a sadistic enough thought!_

_Don't be like that Hijikata-san… I've been listening to your conversation for a while and I heard that you were in trouble with the …ladies, was it?-_

_-it was a crow, stupid. (Were you really listening?)_

_-well, don't mind the details, but look at the end result. *nom nom nom* I got rid of that lady- (-it's a crow!) for you._

…_Don't tell me… It was YOU who made the BANANA PEEL BOMB!? You were planning to KILL ME with it, weren't you!? Luckily for me, it was just by chance that I threw it towards the crow…_

_I didn't know it was a banana peel bomb, Hijikata-san... I was only trying to get the peels into the bin near the building's entrance…_

_WHY WERE YOU TRYING TO CHUCK YOUR TRASH THREE FLOORS DOWN TOO!? STOP THROWING YOUR RUBBISH OUT THE WINDOWS. SERIOUSLY, HOW MANY BANANAS DID YOU GUYS BRING? _

_Oh, the banana peel that exploded wasn't mine. ( Tch, a pity it missed you though Hijikata-san). I found it near the long-haired guy's desk._

_I heard that 'Tch' you damn sadist!_

_Anyway, what was his name again, Katsu?… Atsura?... Ah, it was Zura, I think._

_It's not Zura, it's Katsura. *peel munch munch*_

_WHY IS SOMEONE THAT I DON'T KNOW TALKING TELEPATHICALLY TOO!? And how could a high schooler make a banana peel bomb!? Who are you, Zura?_

_It's not Zura, it's Katsura. I aspire to help people when I graduate high school. No, perhaps not only in assisting the normal civilians. I also have the ambition to help the Government improve the lives of the citizens. I will eradicate all rotten morals, rotten values and rotten bananas that are prevalent in our society today. And for that, the bananas will greatly aid me in revolutionising this country. *munch munch munch*_

…_Uh, you don't need to learn how to make a bomb to become a grocer, Zura._

_It's not Zura, it's Katsura. Actually, it's not as a grocery owner. *chew chew* I want to be a terrorist. _

…

...

...

_EVERYONE STOP EATING BANANAS!_

_AHHHH! GINPACHI-SENSEI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOT SUPERVISING THESE IDIOTS!?_

* * *

**A/N: Teehee, there's a banana fever going around class 3-Z. And for those who don't know, yes, banana is radioactive! Lol. Only a little bit though.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Note:** 3Z is an ALL BOYS' SCHOOL like SANADA NORTH HIGH SCHOOL.

**Disclaimer: **Here you go gorilla, have some bananas. Oh btw, I've injected it with laxatives; so before you die in the toilet, sign this Gintama copyright to me.

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 4**

* * *

_AHHHH! GINPACHI-SENSEI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOT SUPERVISING THESE IDIOTS!?_

* * *

-Meanwhile-

_Come on, Anna-chan… Pleaaaaaseeeeee?_

_No is no, Sakata-sensei. _

_Just a little bit?_

_No._

_Not even a teeny weeny-…_

_No._

…_-tiny bit… boo..._

_Sakata-sensei, is this the time to be pouting? Don't you have a class to teach now?_

_It's alright, it's alright. They can manage by themselves._

_But isn't today the day of the history quiz? Don't you have to supervise them?_

_Don't worry, Anna-chan… 18 year olds are practically adults now. They can make important life decisions like deciding A, B or C in the history quiz._

_Eh!? You made it all multiple choices!?_

_Well, this way I can just make an answer template by cutting out holes for the right answers and put it on top of the student's papers one by one. This way, marking becomes faster and easier._

_That's very ingenious of you, Sensei! …Actually, that's so very ingenious that it made me overlooked your incomparable laziness for a second._

_Come on, Anna-chan… don't put it like that. If I finish the marking early, it gives me more time to explore another hole…_

_Kyaaa, Sakata-sensei, you're so naughty-…_

_So... let me, for a little bit, ok?_

_GINPACHI-SENSEI!_

_Tsk, damn. ...I'm busy, come back later._

_GINPACHI-SENSEI! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!_

…_the number you have dialled is currently not in service. Please try again-…_

_SENSEI, it's not the time to be joking! There was an explosion in the courtyard! And also for some unknown reason, the entrance is littered with banana peels!_

_Argh,… why can't those gorilla students of mine behave themselves! This must be the work of those idiotic trios. …Ummm, can I get it later, Anna-chan?_

_Sorry Sakata-sensei, as I have told you, I'm holding these reward donuts for Nobume-Sensei. You can't steal a little bit of it just because you haven't had your sugar dose!_

_Awwww man… I was so close! …Jimmy-kun!_

_Yes, Ginpachi-sensei!_

_Write me a 3000 words essay on Hideaki Nobunaga Sorachi by tomorrow!_

_EHHH!? Why, Sensei?_

_Just because. …Now, time to deal with those idio-_

…

…

…

_WHY IS HALF THE CLASS NAKED!? …GORILLA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING THROWING YOUR PANTS DOWN!? Sadist! Tell me what happened here!_

_We're just playing a game Sensei. It's called the 'Who-can-get-the-rubbish-into-the-building's-entrance-bin' game. Do you want to join in, Sensei?_

_Hell no. Who would play such a stupid game!? I understand if it's the Gorilla, the Sadist …and Juubei-kun too, I suppose… I know they would play that kind of game but the others wouldn't have... …Wait, that still doesn't tell me why half of the class is naked._

_Sensei, Sensei!_

_Yes, Gorilla?_

_It's all because Sougo is running out of rubbish to chuck and he didn't want to strip._

_HE STRIPPED OTHERS TO CHUCK THEIR UNIFORMS OUT OF THE WINDOWWW!? You're all 18! Behave more maturely! Everyone owes me a 3000 words essay on 'The Use of Kamehameha For Our Daily Lives' due tomorrow! …Now, who created this game? You'll have a rubbish duty to clean up the entrance and the courtyard today after school. Souichirou-kun?_

_It wasn't me, Sensei. It was-…_

_Sorry I'm late Sensei. …Eh? Why are you guys naked?_

_-It was Hijikata-san, Sensei._

_What? Ehhhhhh? WHAT DID I DOOOOO!?_

* * *

**A/N: Uh-oh, Hijikata's in trouble… Yay!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Note:** 3Z is an ALL BOYS' SCHOOL like SANADA NORTH HIGH SCHOOL.

**Disclaimer: **Gigolo, gigolo… gigolo, gigolo… gorilla, gorilla… Hmm, Sugita should've sung gorilla instead of gigolo in Arakawa Under the Bridge.

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 5**

* * *

_What? Ehhhhhh? WHAT DID I DOOOOO!?_

* * *

_Right, everyone, pass on the history quiz to the person in front of you and I'll collect the pile at the front. Now, we'll continue the lesson on how Hideaki Nobunaga first created strawberry milk through the purification of mould. Yes, Shinpachi-kun._

_Sensei, that's how they first discover penicillin. And it's not the emperor that found it, it's a British scientist called Alexander Flemming._

_Shinpachi-kun, you've been watching too much Gintaman, haven't you? Listen carefully ok, TV shows, especially anime, do not teach you real historical events. They serve as entertainment that will make you even dumber._

_No, what is dumb is your brain, ok… it has nothing to do with Gintaman you know…_

_Sensei!_

_Yes, Oogushi-kun!_

_So does that mean that Japan is the first founder of strawberry milk? (And Who's Oogushi-kun!?)_

_No Oogushi-kun…-(-Who's Oogushi-kun!?) Have you even been paying attention? Alexander Flemming, a British scientist, is the founder of the strawberry milk._

_IN WHICH PART OF THE LESSON DID IT SAY THAT!? YOU'RE MIXING UP FACTS, OI! _

_Sensei!_

_Yes Gorilla._

_The strawberry milk conversation is turning me on…__ *blush*_

_THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUESTION! AND STOP BEING CREEPY, GORILLA!_

_Sensei._

_Yes Sadist._

_You like strawberry milk, don't you? I've just poured it all over the floor… How about you lick it? *snickers*_

_HE'S A SADIST THROUGH AND THROUGH!_

_*smirks* __Heh, …I wouldn't grovel in front of my students over a spilled strawberry milk. …It'll be a different story with a strawberry parfait though._

_HIS DIGNITY IS SO CHEAP! AND WHAT IS THAT! IS THAT TEARS!? HE'S CRYING OVER THE SPILLED MILK!_

_*sigh* It's hopeless… this teacher is an idiot. …Wait, there's something strange about all this. …Since when did I become the straight-man? I thought this fanfic was for the Shinsengumi trio? Wasn't Hijikata-san supposed to be the straight-man? _

_Oi Glasses, don't break the fourth wall._

_This voice in my head… Hijikata-san? Eh. Why are you glaring at me?_

_Listen. As we are the only straight-men in this show, it is our responsibility to share our work in pointing out jokes. I've been the straight-man for the last four chapters so it is only right that you do your part too. You should be thankful; I'm giving you the chance to shine in this chapter._

_Ehhh, but Hijikata-san, it'll be hard if you're not playing the straight-man too. _

_It's alright glasses. As Ginpachi-sensei taught us about Hideaki Nobunaga's battle cry, JUST DO IT!_

_Uh, no Hijikata-san, that's what Gintaman said in the Host arc. It has nothing to do with Hideaki Nobunaga, ok? Who the hell is Hideaki Nobunaga anyway?_

_Ahahahahaha… Shinpachi-kun, my little brother, I think you need to brush up on your history study. How about I come to your house and tutor you in Hideaki Nobunaga? _

_Kondo-san? Why would you go that far for glasses-kun?_

_Shhh Tosshi. This way I can have an excuse to stal- I mean, visit Shinpachi's sister, Otae-san._

_I heard that Gorilla. You're about to say "stalk", right? The hell is with "visiting". Your dirty intention is leaking into my mind, you gorilla. Wait, …WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST IMAGINE ON DOING TO MY SISTER!?_

_Ah, sorry Shinpachi-kun, this conversation is turning me on…_

_WHAT PART OF IT IS!?_

_Kondo-san, stop with the vulgar imagination. I think I'll be sick… _

_*blergh* _

_Oogushi-kun,… You shouldn't have eaten so many bananas and littered the peels by the entrance. See what happened? Now go to the infirmary and send Sakamoto the janitor to clean up the vomit._

_I wasn't the one who ate the bana-… *blergh*_

_Ok, ok, don't mention the name of the food. Just get out of here. You're stinking my new shoes with the smell of vomit. Pattsuan, escort him out of here!_

_Yes Sensei! …Come on Hijikata-san._

* * *

The two boys left; the sound of chirping of birds, heavy splash of waterfall and tinkle of sunrays were soon heard in the classroom they left behind.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long haha…**


End file.
